9/23/2014

The girl with the empty eyes.

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Since I am home sick, I do really "necessary" stuff, like cleaning up my old external harddrive. Doing so, I found this old text I wrote back in early 2012. It's about a boy I liked a very long time ago. I thought I might share this one with you. I hope you like it.

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I work in a record store and he comes in to buy records every week. Every week, he comes in and he lets his eyes wander over all the shelves with records, before they settle on me. And he smiles and says "Hi there". And I smile back and say "Hey, it's you again!". And then he goes through the rack with all the cheap records and I try to stare at him without being too obvious.

He's my number one customer crush and I get giddy with excitement every time I see him out in the real world. Once I run into him in the supermarket. He's shopping with a girl. When he sees me, he walks all the way over from the yoghurt isle and hugs me. "That's my girlfriend", he says and I smile and she smiles and he smiles and I want to shoot myself. She's pretty and smells really lovely. I am wearing stained sweatpants and have a spot on my chin that's as big as my fist and I also hate her very much.

I try to be nice, after all, he's just a crush and she seems sweet. But her empty eyes distract me from the conversation I am having with him about a festival. She's like a blank page with no words on it. Not even a doodle of a penis in one corner and a tictactoe game in the middle. There is simply nothing there. I am bored just standing next to her.

For a while, she comes with him to the store every week. And she never looks for records herself, she just stands there on stand-by, while I talk with him about our favourite artists. And the empty eyes are still empty. The page is still blank.

One time I run into them at a party. I am piss-blind-drunk and try to talk to her when he goes to the bathroom. And even though we talk for almost 20 minutes, her page seems blanker than ever. Simply white, just a little frayed around the edges. Later he asks me what I think of her. "She's nice" I say and I think to myself, that this is probably the only thing anyone could ever say about her. "She's nice."

I don't see him in months and completely forget about him. There are other cute customers to talk about records with and after all I didn't really know him that well. And maybe his girlfriend is really a fascinating person. Maybe she just hides it very well. Maybe it doesn't even matter. At all.

One day, I am working my usual shift and I see him coming in. He lets his eyes wander around the room. "Hey there" he says. "Hey, it's you again!" I say. "I thought you moved away". "No, I've just been really busy" he says. And he goes to his favourite shelf and then comes up to the counter to listen to a bunch of records. As he hands me the first one, I notice the ring on his finger. And he notices me noticing and smiles. "Yeah, we got married" he says.

And I smile at him and say "Congratulations!". And I think: Congratulations, you big, stupid, fucking idiot! You married the girl with the emptiest eyes I have ever seen. The most boring, goddamn fucking emptiest eyes in the whole wide world. The whitest page you could possibly find. Why? Is that what you like? An empty page to stare at? Because, if that's the case - why do I even bother trying to write interesting stuff on mine?!



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