(we though it would be cool to look like a band, without actually being a band. clearly it wasn't... also - I'm holding an electric guitar, but it was cut out of the picture afterwards.)
I'd like to think I have gotten wiser with age (Yeah, I just wrote that. Let's all just go with it, people...), and last night I was wondering which bits of wisdom I would install in my 16-year-old self, if I could meet her. To spare her some heartaches and moments of embarassment. I ended up composing a neat little list, so here we go:
- Don't think you can pull off not wearing a bra to school. You can't.
- Don't watch weird stuff on Youporn. It will scar you for life.
- Don't watch Katherine Heigl movies and believe this to be somewhat close to reality. It will scar you just as much.
- Since you are into androgynous and slightly feminine boys, this will happen to you more than once, so pay attention now: If you are left wondering whether a guy you fancy is gay or not - he probably is. Straight guys don't leave you wondering. Spare yourself the heartache and move on.
- Don't go buying condoms when you are 14. Take it from me, you won't need them for a long time, and that sad moment when you have to throw them out because their expiration date is up, will leave you slightly suicidal.
- Don't do the whole "I'm a neon wave hipster kid from East London"-thing. Somebody will take pictures of it and put them on the internet and you will experience levels of shame, you never thought possible.
- Stop eating toast with ketchup and hard-boiled eggs. It's disgusting.
- It's not "punk" to wear a fluffy shirt with a peace sign on it (neither is that Donald Duck shirt you love so much...)
- No, you don't have to wear high heels. You have great legs even without them, and even though you won't realise this until you are around 23, you can just spare yourself the agony of blood-filled blisters under your toenails.
- When you are nervous, it's not a good idea to drink very much very fast. You will end up in the woods at 5 am, throwing up everything you have eaten in the past 7 months.
- Also: don't drink Tequila. Ever. Seriously.
- Stop worrying and lighten up. It's alright to lose control once in a while.
- Dare to say no. Dare to say yes. Dare to do the things that are forbidden, unhealthy, insane, unwise and explicitly bad for you. These are usually the most fun.
- And if you ever feel self-conscious and you wonder whether everything everything EVERYTHING is wrong with you, just ask yourself: Who gives a shit!?
Your 26-year-old You (by the way, we are not yet married and completely childless, and we're very very fine with it!)