12/18/2014

2014 - The Music


It's December, which is traditionally a month for looking back on the year behind us. Which is precisely what we're doing now. Today's topic: music.



This year I listened to 9.950 minutes of music. Which is about 7 days. Seems a bit little to me, but Spotify doesn't count the records I listened to on my stereo (like the truly ancient person I am...).


My favourite artists after season. Lots of Portugal the Man and girl power (although I actually don't like Haim and can't remember listening to them at all...). But Spice Girls! Fuck yes!


Apparently this was my favourite song this year. Seems about right, I listened to it most of my summer. But it's good to see that none of my embarassing favourites have made my Top 10 list....

But, not to disappoint anyone - here are my Top 3 embarassing songs this year...


3 Beyoncé - Partition


(Sorry, this is a remix, but I wanted to put the official video on here. Holy fucksticks that woman is gorgeous!)

Sexiest song of the decade - hands down! Queen Bey, you did it again...


2 Pitbull feat. Kesha - Timber



Actually it's from last year, but I listened to it so much this spring, I'm pretty sure my neighbours wanted to murder me. Sorry guys...


1 Taylor Swift - Shake it off



God, I hate Taylor Swift. Seriously, all I want to do is repeatedly punch her in her stupid ferret face. But this song is so unbelievably catchy, I can't stop listening to it. Needless to say, I know the lyrics by heart. Even the rapping part. Oh yes, I'm serious!

12/16/2014

Why I don't ask for a bag when buying Tampons.

http://giphy.com/

A little while back, one of my female co-workers asked me for a tampon. She had gotten her period, forgotten to pack any tampons herself and asked me whether I could help her out. Only she didn't ask me. She motioned for me to come to her as if she had a big secret and then she ashamedly whispered "Do you have ... um ... a tampon?". She barely mouthed the last word. I got one from my purse and handed it to her. She took it, thanked me and hid it in her hand whilst speeding to the toilet.

For a fairly long time, the thought of accidentally bleeding through a white dress was my worst nightmare. Since I never had regular periods, I never wore white. I have a friend who made it her habit during high school to always wear a pad. Every day. In case she accidentally started bleeding. She did this for almost 5 years. Our fear of having blood stains on clothing was ridiculous and very, very real. There were rumours about a girl from the neighbouring school who bled through her beige summer dress in the middle of class and then probably died of shame. Because we knew it was embarassing. Superembarassing.

Some boys in my class once got their hands on some pads and tampons and during art class spattered them with red paint. They were giddy with excitement, because virtually nothing was as disgusting as bleeding out of your downstairs area. One of my friends actually got dumped by a boy because she started bleeding when he fingered her at a party. We were 15 years old. I'm pretty sure she's still not okay with having her periods.

http://giphy.com/

I recently listened to a podcast during which one of the hosts asked the question "What if men got their periods?" Would menstruating still be something embarassing? Well to give you the short answer: no, it wouldn't! They would publicly suffer. They would try to show off how brave they were. "Dude, last night I had crazy stomach cramps, I thought I would die!" - "Man, I am bleeding like fuck! Had to use the extra large tampons this time. But no biggy..." Tampons would become a lifestyle product. Extra manly cotton sticks. And I'm pretty sure that some 16-year-old dudes would put clips on Youtube of all their collected menstruation blood. Just to brag how much they bled this month! Swag!

But men don't get their periods. Women do. And they're expected to find it disgusting and to be ashamed and hide their cramps and their stained underpants. Instead of being proud that their bodies work as they should and that they get through that hideousness that is having stomach cramps, nausea, headaches and mood swings every month!

http://24.media.tumblr.com/61f178ca951d1a8200607c7c530ec0ec/tumblr_mhvrqayAT81rtl3i8o2_500.gif

That's why the female cashier at the drug store whispered when she asked me if I wanted a bag for my pack of tampons. And that's why I said no, and walked the 15 minutes home with the tampons in my hand for everyone to see. These aren't simply tampons, they aren't even extra manly cotton sticks. They are bandages for my brave warrior uterus. An organ that is basically an Easybake-Oven for human beings, can blow up to 500 times its own size and also can do other crazy stuff I learned about at school but now forgot. Seriously, can we all stop screaming "Eeew", like the 13-year-old dicks from my art class and instead make a uterus action figurine or something?


(click pictures for source)

12/15/2014

2014 - The food.

2014 - The year I got a job and discovered that working 40 hours a week makes me lose interest in cooking proper meals. So this was obviously the year of deep fry pizzas, pasta with pesto and countless kebabs.

But apparently, I also had some proper gourmet moments. Since my Instagram account is basically just pictures of food, I thought we might have a look.


The year started out great with a visit from these two Swedish lovelies and Schnitzel, Spätzle and enormous slices of cake.


My best girl and I also tried making Bloomin' Onions for the first time. Deeelicious!



We had tarts and quiches in every shape and size...










My friend and colleague Juli showed me her glorious Pasta recipe and made me realise that I had hated zucchini for 27 years without any reason...


I thanked her by inviting her to Taco night.


We also used any excuse to throw barbecues at my mum's place.


And one time I got really ambitious and made ravioli with ricotta, spinach and walnuts.


I had the best burger this town has to offer.


And also had some seriously sad desk lunches. I mean, look at this horrid salad!


At least once this year I had champagne and macarons, which is the best possible thing to put into your mouth.


And only this weekend I had a Maultaschen burger in a pretzel bun. Non-germans might not get this, but let me assure you - it was divine!


And that was 2014. It's a sheer miracle I'm not weighing 200 pounds by now...

12/10/2014

Grinchey grinchey, grinch grinch.


I've been hanging out with a lot of Grinches lately. People who supposedly hate Christmas, don't like shopping for Christmas presents and leave my flat instantly when I put on some light Frank Sinatra Christmas music. And, to be honest, with work and also some general chaos reigning my life, it's been a bit hard to get into the right Christmas spirit myself.

But fret not: I now have a few videos, that will put the Christmas joy right in your cold little hearts. Or at least make you giggle for a bit. May the world be jolly and bright. Or something.




SNL's take on Christmas. Jimmy Fallon as Russell Brand kills me every time. As does the line "Jeezus, I'm so much better than you!"




It's a 16-year-old from Canada who sounds like Elvis and looks like someone I would have had a massive crush on when I was around 14 years old. Also: Ellen. So much love.




 Unfortunately I can't put one of my alltime favourites on here, but I can link to it. So: CLICK HERE AND SEE THE BEST RYAN GOSLING CHRISTMAS VIDEO OF ALL TIMES! 



Gotten into the right spirit yet? Then sing along now.We both know you want to.

12/09/2014

"She was dynamite in the sack, by the way."





This week I watched what I'm pretty sure must be the prettiest film of 2014: Wes Andersons "The Grand Budapest Hotel".





I love the look of most Wes Anderson films, and this one was no exception. The story wasn't even that important, although the cast is brilliant in every way. Ralph Fiennes plays Monsieur Gustave, the concierge of the Grand Budapest Hotel, who sleeps with his elderly guests, is vaguely camp and takes the new lobby boy Zero under his wing. The jokes are coming fast, the plot is twisting and turning in unexpected ways and when I thought it couldn't get better - Bill Murray turned up for a few scenes.






It's a bit like a really decadent macaron for your eyes: it's sweet, unbelievably pretty and doesn't leave you with a shallow aftertaste like the cinematic equivalent to a bag of cheap candy (let's say: a Reese Witherspoon movie...) would. Go see it!




(All pictures are taken from here and here.)

11/30/2014

Alexa and me.



Disclaimer: This is a blog post about a designer handbag. 

Yes, I know, BARF! Let me make it very clear, that even though I am into fashion, I don't necessarily like designer clothing. I would never spend a thousand dollars on a dress. I would never buy an item of clothing because there is a logo printed on it. I don't get the appeal of sitting front row in a fashion show and afterwards have a diet coke with Karl Lagerfeld and listen to the misogynist bullshit that comes out of his mouth on an hourly basis. 



But there is one designer item I have wanted to own since the minute it hit the shelves: An oversized Mulberry Alexa bag. It's my white whale, my unicorn, my fashion Everest. It is also ridiculously expensive and completely unaffordable and my mother would probably have me admitted to a mental hospital if I ever bought a handbag for over a thousand Pounds. 



But thanks to a crazy online Sale (and maybe also some cosmic powers..) I now own the prettiest handbag in the world. It also smells really good. And it holds all of the stuff I schlepp around all day.



Here's everything in my handbag. (Just in case one of you wants to rob me at some point, you'll already know what you'll get...) Sunglasses, headphones, gloves, my make-up bag, my phone and my camera, my wallet, hand cream, cigarettes, pepper spray, tampons and lip balm. Usually there's also some used kleenex, at least one book and a bottle of water in there. It's so spacious - it's insane! 

11/28/2014

Christmas Presents: The official Andnoplanb list

Christmas time is upon us. And - very untypically for me - I haven't bought any Christmas presents so far. But I have a ton of ideas, so that's a start I guess. And if ol' Gwyneth Paltrow can make a ridiculous list of stuff you should buy, so can I. That's right, Gwynnie! It's on!

To me, making or buying presents for people I like is a sport. And I am fucking good at it, let me tell you! This may sound braggy, but I am not good at a lot of things. I am lousy at sports, I'm a mediocre boozing buddy at best, but giving presents - that's where I fucking shine!

Obviously I can't tell you what I'm getting my loved ones for Christmas, but in the process of finding presents for them, I found a lot of stuff I can't really give anyone but liked anyways. So, here's my (completely unsponsored) guide to awesome Christmas presents:

Ryan Gosling Candle


Oh yes, this actually exists! Because the internet is a beautiful, beautiful place!


Books

Want to give away some books? Here's a quick guide as what to give away as presents:

To your dad: Truman Capote - In cold blood
To your mum: R.J. Palacio - Wonder
To your funny friend: Amy Poehler - Yes please
To any woman in general: Caitlin Moran - How to be a woman (seriously, I bought like 4 copies again this year and plan to give them to any woman I know, who hasn't already gotten one from me...)

Here's also some other books I'd recommend warmly...


Benedict Cumberbatch Shirt



More nerdy shit, this time for all the Cumberbatch enthusiasts. Actually, go browse on this site, because they have the most awesome nerdshirts you will ever lay eyes on.


DIY Lip Balm


In case you are super-broke, you can make some giveaways yourself. Like this lip balm. It's really easy to make and it smells incredibly good.


Custom Wine Labels

http://www.packagingoftheworld.com/2014/10/just-f-good-wine-concept.html

Perfect if you're invited to someone for wine and you don't really know if you should bring them something or not and you don't really know them that well and OHMYGODWHATARETHERULESHERE?! I linked to a page where you can buy wine labels, but let's be honest - if you're a little handy with Photoshop, you can do it better yourselves. Or you print a collage of pictures and put them on there. Just print out, stick to a regular bottle you bought - et voilà!


Party Banners


Yes, I am shamelessly advertising my own stuff here. Deal with it! Mama needs some cash to buy Christmas presents, so I need you people to order party banners from my Etsy shop. I have new ones in stock, and now you can also get yourself a customised party banner after your own desires. So go nuts, people!


(as always, click pictures for source)

11/24/2014

Time traveling via selfie.

I always thought I hated the idea of time travel, but it turns out: I actually quite like it. Well, only the real kind that is...


November 2008


I had a pixie haircut (which I loathed) and went to see The Streets in Zürich. Together with my brilliant roommate and two other wonderful girls.


November 2009


I thought bows in my hair were a good idea. I also dressed like a little girl from the  prairie and took artsy selfies of myself in the bathroom mirror. Oh, the innocence of youth...


November 2010


More "artsy" facebook profile pictures. Oh well, at least I never participated in any kind of "girls gone wild"-bullshit I have to be embarassed about by now...

November 2011


Made Christmas cookies in my 50s-housewife-apron and generally dressed like I had just jumped out of an episode of Mad Men. Which I watched obsessively back then.


November 2012


I just came back from New York City, where a street style photographer dude from Brooklyn had asked me if he could take my picture while I was wearing this outfit. Naturally I wore nothing else for the next 4 months... (Shirt: Urban Outfitters, Leggings: American Apparel, Necklace: Marc Jacobs, Bag: Cambridge Satchel, Shoes: Urban Outfitters)


November 2013


Oh so many animal prints. And blissfully long hair.


November 2014


Found a piece of jewelry that fits my general mood. And I bet it would also come in handy in a pub brawl...

11/21/2014

Podcasts


Perhaps unsurprisingly comes this statement: I love podcasts! Because they are my audiobook substitutes, when I'm too broke to buy new audiobooks. Because they make me want to take really long walks or clean my kitchen thoroughly, just so I can listen to them in peace. Because I acquired most of my Swedish skills by listening to podcasts. And because you can learn something new about the world when you're simply going out to buy toilet paper. I mean, how awesome is that?!

Here are some of my absolute favourites, so if you have a bit of free time this weekend, you now have something awesome to listen to. Your're welcome.


Sandra och Michelle
Language: Swedish


Sandra is a blogger and novelist and Michelle is her best friend and funny as fuck! They both actually are. And smart, and witty and really sweet with each other. They talk about everything and anything from New York to conspiracy theories and menstruation (actually: If you're only listening to one episode, pick the one about mensies! It's brilliant and funny and insightful and - well, just listen to it!!!). These two girls have saved my day many times!


Woman's hour on BBC
Language: English



Brilliant daily program from the BBC. It's about an hour long, they always have multiple topics and several guests. Sometimes it's really exciting and fascinating, sometimes it's a bit boring but it's still better than most other stuff out there!


P1 dokumentär
Language: Swedish


Bascially everything I know about anything in Sweden, I got from listening to these documentaries by the Swedish radio. They make amazing documentaries on crime stories, historical happenings and interesting people. Unbelievably good!


The Bugle
Language: English


My imaginary husband John Oliver runs this podcast together with his friend Andy Zaltzman. They're very funny, very British and very clever. Aaaah, swoon...


(click pictures for source)