How to get my blood boiling in 15 seconds or less.

„You know, feminism is a nice concept. But let's be honest: These days, that job is pretty much done. I mean, it's not like you have to stay at home and cook anymore. You can go to work. And if your husband beats you, you can call the police. Honestly – right now, the men are actually the ones you should take pity on. It's really tough for us to define ourselves.“ The guy looks at me with a pained expression and sighs. „We just have to be everything at once and that is a really tough job.“ He sighs again and then finishes his gin and tonic.

We are in a bar, where I met him – the new boyfriend of a good friend – for the first time tonight. He seems to be a decent guy who is nice to my friend, and he did really well on his first night of „meeting the girls“. Until just now. Because now I want to rip his head off, shove it up his arse and also burn him alive. All of a sudden, there is a ridiculous splatter movie scenario in my head.

My friend has heard the last sentence her stupid new boyfriend just uttered and tugs his sleeve, looking a little worried. Not because she just realised that her boyfriend is a dick, but because she knows that he has pissed off her „feminist friend“. And that makes me even angrier and I can barely take the deep breath I need to take in order to say my piece.

Of course, all I really want to do is scream „RAPE! SEXUAL ABUSE! GENITAL MUTILATION! RAPE! STALKING! CHILD PROSTITUTION! RAPE! THE WAGE GAP! SEXUAL HARASSMENT IN THE WORKPLACE! ABORTION OF FEMALE FETUSES IN INDIA! RAPE!“ into his face over and over again, until his eardrums pop and he crumbles to the ground like a deflated blow-up sex doll.

I want to yell about male comedians, who make fun of their girlfriends for a living and male politicians regularly slapping the butts of female journalists. I want to tell him about the sheer panicked horror every woman on earth feels, when she walks home alone at night and hears footsteps behind her. I want to push him into my car and drive with him to the nearest strip club to show him the greasy, sad old men who think they can „buy love“.

I want to show him the statistics about safe houses filled with women who were beaten black and blue by jealous husbands. Or the fact that almost every third woman worldwide has experienced sexual abuse of some sorts in her life. Every third woman.

Meanwhile, young girls are getting shot and beheaded for wanting to go to school. To learn how to read. Which is technically possible, even if you don't have a penis. Trust me, I know up to ten women who can read and write and don't have penises! Isn't that weird?

I want to throw down my drink and ask the guy about why he thinks we teach little girls to be modest and demure and accept little boys to be wild and raucous. I want to show him the men I know, who sometimes refer to sexually active women as „sluts“ and sexually active men as „playyyyyers“. Who think that it's okay to look at my boobs when I'm trying to make a point and who make comments about my short skirts being „not very feminist“. Who simply don't get it. Like him. He just – does not get it. At all.

So I sigh and take a sip of my wine. And then I say this: „Every 20 seconds a woman is raped in this world. So in the time it took for you to say this bullshit, four women have been physically and psychologically damaged for the rest of their lives. If they survive and are not killed or simply “vanish”. So I suggest you talk to someone else about how hard it is to define yourself.“ And then I get up and walk over to some other people.

And I want him to be dumbfounded and ashamed, but I know he is not. He is amused, that he has angered the „Angry Man-Hating-Lady“ and probably grins to his girlfriend in a way that says “Jeez, she needs to get laid!”. But I don't care. Mostly because I just stole his cigarettes and know that he is too scared of me now to want them back. The box is almost full – 15 cigarettes, all paid for by the stupid patriarchy. I light the first one up and exhale the smoke, smiling slightly to myself.

(click pictures for source)


Poo Insanity.

So a while back, I already showed you the amazing insanity that is "Poo-Pourri" - a product that probably has the funniest, most gloriously bonkersville television ad of all time.

But now - our prayers have been heard! (If you ever prayed about new hilarious poo ads...) Because there is a new pooing accessory that basically screams for a hilarious television/Youtube ad. And boy, this one is really something else! 

We have a gay prince with a fake British accent, a unicorn shitting rainbow ice cream and the wonderful sentence "If you're a human being who poops from his butt, order your squatty potty today!". Enjoy! 


If I had a million dollars

Aaaah, autumn. The season of birthdays is upon us. I don't know if it's just me, but come September and there is at least one birthday of someone special in my life. And since I love giving presents, I am on high alert when it comes to buying birthday presents right now. Until the end of November, and then Christmas season starts...

But the good thing with looking for birthday presents is the fact that you can sneakily look for stuff you want yourself and then show it to people and go: "Look, isn't that just gooorgeous?!". Also - if you need inspiration to give away presents - here are some ideas:

Engraved Zippo

It's pretty much the best thing to engrave or embroider stuff. Once gave my little sister a baseball jacket with her initials embroidered: huge success! Also - Zippos are basically the coolest way to light a cigarette. This one is something my favourite blogger Sandra Beijer got for her birthday. (Picture also taken from her blog)

The perfect notebook

Every time I'm in a town with an Urban Outfitters store, I decide to buy this notebook and every time I think "32 Euros for a fucking notebook. Nope. You're broke, put it away!"
Well, but it is the perfect notebook. And maybe there is someone in your life who wants to write stuff into it.

"See, he's her lobster!"

For the tv show fanatic in your life. The absolutely bestestest sweater from the Swedish label Manners. There are also other fictional couples up for grabs, but as a diehard Friends fan, this is the only one I would pick.

The political-statement-with-popcultural-reference-shirt

My very favourite shirt ever is from this other Swedish label called Faggot Apparel. And they now have a new design, which is awesome. And fairly cheap. So, for the politically involved Joy Division fan in your life: Buy this!


Love letter to the BBC, part 18243768

Oh so many reasons to be completely and utterly in love with the BBC. One of them is the fantastical wonder that is the BBC Live Lounge. It's a fabulous concept that takes brilliant artists and makes them cover songs by other brilliant artists. And since I am a big lover of cover versions (unless it's Guns'n'Roses covering Bob Dylan. I mean, SERIOUSLY!) I will now present to you the best cover songs ever done at the BBC Live Lounge.

Please put your seat in the upright position, stop all smoking and listen carefully. Here we go!

Chvrches covering "Cry me a river" by Justin Timberlake

Taylor Swift covering "Riptide" by Vance Joy

Ed Sheeran covering "Stay with me" by Sam Smith (One might ask "Does the world really need Ed Sheeran to cover another song. The answer to that is "HELLS YES!")

And finally James Bay covering Florence & The Machines "Shake it out"



In defense of popular music.

Back in 2009, when I was a fresh-faced, naive 22-year-old, I used to dj with some friends of mine. I had recently acquired a record collection, fancied myself to be some sort of 'music expert' and was reeeally good at being a musical snob. If I deemed a piece of music not 'indie' enough, I wouldn't listen to it.

The music I listened to had to be rough, somewhat unkempt - just like the men who made that music. Britpop, garage rock, anything made by skinny white guys wearing leather jackets and tight skinny jeans. That was my jam. The Beatles and Bob Dylan were my gods, the record shop my church and Noel Gallagher was my special guru (Well, some things never change: The special guru position is still in Gallaghers hands...).

And oh, how I laughed at all the stupid folks that listened to Norah Jones and Lady Gaga. Who whistled along to Bruno Mars and danced to whatever came on the radio. Stupid, tasteless folks. They had no idea what good music really was.

It didn't exactly help that I started working in a record shop a few years later. And it didn't help that deep, deep down I had a terrible secret: I too whistled along to Bruno Mars!!! Oh the shame...

It started innocently enough with a barbecue in a park one summer night. When my friend had brought along an mp3-player with a speaker and played Norah Jones. We lay on our backs, tipsy on lukewarm beer and looked up into the starry sky, while Norah sang "Don't know why I didn't call".  And I shed a tiny, secret tear, because it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. I believe that was the turning point. After that, there were car rides during which I unashamedly screeched along to "The Lazy Song" by Bruno Mars or "Pokerface" by Lady Gaga. There were secret dance sessions in my sitting room, where I invented new dance moves to glossy, sugary pop music.

And it wasn't until recently that I realised what a massive fool I had been. When I - after several Gin  Tonics stood on a sticky dancefloor and shook my hips to some David Guetta tune. Because there is no shame in pop music! There's nothing wrong with listening to mainstream pop. Rihanna isn't the devil. She's actually the best remedy for a crappy mood. So are the Spice Girls. Or even a bit of Sir Mix-a-lot. And Beyoncé - oh boy, don't even get me started on Queen Bey!

At the very wise age of 28 (cough), I have now discovered what really makes great music great: The fact that you love listening to it. There are no guilty pleasures, no shame in dancing to One Direction. And even the Beatles were once just embarrassing, sugary Charts pop...


5 Things From The Internet - The Welcome Back Edition

Aaaah, the internet. Probably my favourite place in the world. Apart from the beach. Or the forest on a rainy autumn day. Or the mountains. Or New York. ... Alright, so it's in the Top 5. Mostly because you can find amazing shit here. And we haven't had a fun-times-internet-list-thingy in AGES!

1. If you love comedy (like I do) and get semi-obsessed over funny comedians (like I do), this is clearly the documentary for you! I haven't seen it yet, but this trailer looks awesomepants!

2. Here's a fun collection of maps that show certain aspects of the world. For example: Which sport is most popular in which country. Apparently hockey is only king in Canada and Finnland...

3. Kristen Wiig is a genius, a saint (I'm assuming here...) and a funny, funny woman. Need to watch this - NOW!

4. It's the question of all questions: Are you a trendsetter? Well, probably not. Because nobody is, really. But now there is a website that gives you a definite answer how much of a musical trendsetter you really are. How many artists have you listened to on Spotify, before (!) they made it big? My disappointing number was 4. There might be a chance that my cool, hip, early 20s are over now...

5. And now for the funniest film I have seen this year. IT HAS MIRANDA HART IN IT! MIRANDA HART!



Oh well, so we're back. It's been a long long while since I have written anything on this blog. Life got in the way BIG TIME and there were so many other things that needed taking care of first.

Want me to give you a run down of everything that happened the past few months? Well, I went to Brighton, did the news on the radio for a few months, quit my job, had one of my best friends move in with me, went to Danmark for a few weeks and now I am back at university (insert sad trombone sound here) and try to make it as a journalist. I also sort of work for our local ice hockey club now. And I had a wonderful summer with loads of red wine and also some pretty boys to look at and cool people to hang out with. Yay me!

Alright, what's gonna happen now? Well, as you may notice, there is a new blog header by my amazing friend Karo and I love it so much, I want to print it out and use it as wallpaper in my bedroom. Seriously.

And there will be other new stuff on here very soon, so prepare for some feminist rants, Youtubevideos of puppies and recipes for Cupcake-Brownie-Pancake-Chocolate-things. I also take suggestions as to what YOU GUYS want to see on here. Any wishes?

But first, here's some music for you. Welcome back!


Brighton Baby!

Two weeks ago, I went to Brighton for the Great Escape Festival with a handful of awesome people. Let's have a peak at what happened there...

On Tuesday I packed my flowery suitcase and my rucksack and sped off to Cologne to pick up my friend Lisa.

After rising superearly on Wednesday, we took the train to London and then a train to Brighton. And after a long day travelling, we finally arrived in Brighton. Lovely Dotty had invited us to stay at her place, and this was our spectacular view from our window. <3 

The first thing we did was to go down to the beach and drink a cold beer whilst admiring the view. Here's us and also the view.

The next day, we took to a cozy little coffee shop for breakfast.

Then, we met up the others and collected our wristbands. Here's the awesome gang we got to hang out with for the next few days...

After that (to be completely honest) I can't really remember on which day we did what, but let's just say: It was a glorious mix of concerts, gin and tonics, a little bit of sightseeing and disgustingly cold English weather...

We also got our nails done (you know, typical festival stuff...), walked around Brighton and ate ridiculous amounts of breakfast food.

Lovely, lovely Brighton. I'll come back another time. Probably when it's waaaay warmer!


Old habits, new beginnings.

Man it's dusty around here! Haven't been on this blog in a long, long while and it feels like coming back to your summer vacation home after a very long and grey winter. So I guess it's time for a spring clean-up, huh?!

These past few weeks I have buried in work, which was mostly nice (the hockey boys made it to second division, which is probably the coolest thing to happen ever and I had to drink so much beer to celebrate this, it is a miracle I haven't just turned into a massive beer mug!) but also very exhausting. So exhausting in fact, that it left me very messed up and slightly crumpled on the floor.

A massive cold knocked me out and now I'm trying to adjust to a life without ice hockey (who thought THAT sentence would ever leave my mouth?!) and trying to find time for new and old friends that make my life so very lovely. There are also some decisions that need to be made, enemies to be faced and consequences to be drawn (Sounds very damatic, doesn't it?! Don't worry, almost everything is peachy!).

Next week I'll be going to a festival in Brighton with a shitload of friends and funny people and I am looking forward to it like crazy. Until then, let me leave you with a bit of music. Here's the perfect song to drive to. Preferably when it's sunny and warm and you can have the windows open and you hair blasting in the wind...


Life sign.

Oh man, how life sometimes gets in the way. And by life I mean work and friends and boozing with my girls (and sometimes at work) and also ridiculous amounts of time I spend at a hockey rink screaming my head off.

So I wanted to pop in and say hi and also show you some fantastic stuff I found on the internet and enjoyed. Because that's how I do. Hooray.

1. The only song you ever need to hear about feminism. Also, it's super funny!

2. In case you like motivational posters: THIS IS CLEARLY FOR YOU!!!

3. In honour of that one surly-looking dude leaving One Direction this week - here's a dramatic reading of One Direction Tweets. "You can tell a man bis his ankles" is probably my new life motto...