9/29/2014

First in a series of love letters to John Oliver


There's something about snarky, super-cynical men that I like. No idea where that comes from (and I'm also pretty sure it's not exactly healthy...) but it is one of my most serious turn-ons when it comes to guys. Mind you, it needs to be combined with above average intelligence, but when those things come together, I'm basically good to go!

So it's no surprise I am massively in love with the genius that is John Oliver. Loved him in Community, loved him as Jon Stewarts sidekick on The Daily Show and now I love him as the host of his own late night show Last Week Tonight.

Best thing about that show: The moment when Oliver goes off into a major rant on something stupid that's happening in the world. Need examples? Here you go...

Here's John Oliver talking about the gender pay gap. My feminist heart nudges my feminist libido tenderly and whispers "It's go time!" as I watch this...



Something more? Let's watch him tackle the topic of death penalty!




And finally: John Oliver talking about nuclear weapons. So much love for this snarky, British, bespesctacled man...




Seriously, Mr. Oliver - if you're ever free for a beer (or a crosscountry roadtrip...), I'm right here...


(click picture for source)

9/23/2014

The girl with the empty eyes.

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Since I am home sick, I do really "necessary" stuff, like cleaning up my old external harddrive. Doing so, I found this old text I wrote back in early 2012. It's about a boy I liked a very long time ago. I thought I might share this one with you. I hope you like it.

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I work in a record store and he comes in to buy records every week. Every week, he comes in and he lets his eyes wander over all the shelves with records, before they settle on me. And he smiles and says "Hi there". And I smile back and say "Hey, it's you again!". And then he goes through the rack with all the cheap records and I try to stare at him without being too obvious.

He's my number one customer crush and I get giddy with excitement every time I see him out in the real world. Once I run into him in the supermarket. He's shopping with a girl. When he sees me, he walks all the way over from the yoghurt isle and hugs me. "That's my girlfriend", he says and I smile and she smiles and he smiles and I want to shoot myself. She's pretty and smells really lovely. I am wearing stained sweatpants and have a spot on my chin that's as big as my fist and I also hate her very much.

I try to be nice, after all, he's just a crush and she seems sweet. But her empty eyes distract me from the conversation I am having with him about a festival. She's like a blank page with no words on it. Not even a doodle of a penis in one corner and a tictactoe game in the middle. There is simply nothing there. I am bored just standing next to her.

For a while, she comes with him to the store every week. And she never looks for records herself, she just stands there on stand-by, while I talk with him about our favourite artists. And the empty eyes are still empty. The page is still blank.

One time I run into them at a party. I am piss-blind-drunk and try to talk to her when he goes to the bathroom. And even though we talk for almost 20 minutes, her page seems blanker than ever. Simply white, just a little frayed around the edges. Later he asks me what I think of her. "She's nice" I say and I think to myself, that this is probably the only thing anyone could ever say about her. "She's nice."

I don't see him in months and completely forget about him. There are other cute customers to talk about records with and after all I didn't really know him that well. And maybe his girlfriend is really a fascinating person. Maybe she just hides it very well. Maybe it doesn't even matter. At all.

One day, I am working my usual shift and I see him coming in. He lets his eyes wander around the room. "Hey there" he says. "Hey, it's you again!" I say. "I thought you moved away". "No, I've just been really busy" he says. And he goes to his favourite shelf and then comes up to the counter to listen to a bunch of records. As he hands me the first one, I notice the ring on his finger. And he notices me noticing and smiles. "Yeah, we got married" he says.

And I smile at him and say "Congratulations!". And I think: Congratulations, you big, stupid, fucking idiot! You married the girl with the emptiest eyes I have ever seen. The most boring, goddamn fucking emptiest eyes in the whole wide world. The whitest page you could possibly find. Why? Is that what you like? An empty page to stare at? Because, if that's the case - why do I even bother trying to write interesting stuff on mine?!



(click picture for source)

9/15/2014

I went from San Berdoo to Kalamazoo.














Finally some time to look through all the pictures I took on vacation. Somehow my life seemed a lot easier a month ago, but that's probably just the beginnings of my annual autumn depression talking...

Anyways: My summer holiday was (as you can clearly see above) awesomepants! Guest stars incluce my lovely mum, my lovely little sister, my lovely dog Molly, lovely Gabsi and Leif who invited us for dinner and red wine and music every second day - and also the massive lobster I devoured in under 5 minutes.

9/12/2014

A song for every mood.

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The best thing about Spotify (no, this is not a sponsored post...) is that you can create a billion playlists, so you'll have the fitting music for every mood you might find yourself in. This is one of my favourite hobbies (as you can clearly see - I lead a wild life of excess!!!).

I have picked a few favourites out of some my gazillion playlists for you to listen to...


Happy

Let's start with the best sort of mood: happy go lucky, yes-baby-it's-summer-and-everything-is-awesome mood. Here's a soundtrack for that:



Why this one: Because the video is almost as brilliant as the song. Also, it never fails to cheer me up.

Best line: "Do-roo do do doooo" (this song is clearly NOT about the lyrics)




Why this one: Because I once had it stuck in my head for two weeks and made all my girls listen to it, and then they had it stuck in their heads and we all became officially insane.

Best line: "I fell in love last night, and I was dancing the whole way home."


And here's the entire playlist:





Sad

If you ever feel like walking in the rain and sobbing hysterically, here's the perfect soundtrack for that...



Why this one: Anything by the Smiths goes, really. Because - as my friend Tom once put it: "No matter how crappy you feel about the world - Morrissey feels worse!"

Best line: "To die by your side - well the pleasure, the privilege is mine."




Why this one: Gets me crying every fucking time. Also - the band that created this sob-fest-bonanza is very much awesome!

Best line: "But I had the hand of a clock beating me." (actually all of the lines are great...)


And here's the entire playlist:





Angry

Sometimes, when I get seriously pissed off, I need to listen to something superangry to let off steam. Let the rage commence...



Why this one: Well, nobody is as fucking angry as the Antichrist himself. Anything from the "Golden Age of Grotesque" album and you can see me powerwalking up a steep hill and screaming at trees in the forest (You may think I am joking, but I am really not.).

Best line: Is actually not from this song, but from a song called "Use your fist and not your mouth" (aaah, the suggestiveness...). It goes: "Put it in your middle finger and sing along". Which is exactly what you want to do when you are angry. Oh Marilyn, you simply get it...




Why this one: Makes you feel really kick-ass. Every time.

Best line: "Don't go screaming if I blow you with a bang."


And here's the entire playlist:





Dance-y

Yes, "dance-y" is a mood. For when you need to dance intensively and immediately until your legs come off. And the more embarassing the music - the better!


Why this one: If you ever want to be seriously scared, you should put this song on and send me to the dancefloor. I will downright terrify you.

Best line: "Russian roulette is not the same without a gun, and baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun."




Why this one: I can rap the entire first verse. Seriously. By heart. Also: I am a feminist and please don't judge me for this.

Best line: "Cause I'm long and I'm strong and I'm gonna get the friction on." (Seriously, never give me Tequila when there's an off-chance that crappy music might be played. I will get way into it...)


And here is the entire playlist for your next DANCING PARTY! WOOT WOOT!




(click picture for source)

9/04/2014

"Why is America the greatest country in the world?" - "It's not. But it could be."

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A thousand years after everyone else I finally got around to watching "The Newsroom". What can I say - if you are prepared to shout at me for long enough, you'll eventually wear me down. And since I liked Sorkins "Studio 60", I was already intrigued.

http://fuckyeahthenewsroom.tumblr.com/page/77

http://fuckyeahthenewsroom.tumblr.com/page/77


So, on Tuesday night last week I sat down to watch the Newsroom, got completely hooked immediately and watched the stuff for 5 hours straight. It took me four days to watch all two seasons and now I can't wait for the third and final season to come out this November.

To sum it up in three words: IT'S. FUCKING. EPIC. It's witty, sarcastic, very funny, incredibly smart, nailbitingly exciting and also stylish as hell. It's journalism-porn - which suits me, because I am seriously psyched about working in journalism. Well, now I actually want to work in the Newsroom of the show and nowhere else, but nevermind...


The show centers around the news crew of a fictional tv channel and deals with real events that took place in the US around 2010 (at the start of the series). It has everything you need: great, logical characters, of course some love triangles (it can't just be about politics, after all...) and witty dialogue at bullet speed. The actors are all superb, the soundtrack made me cry three episodes in, and I honestly can not find a single weakness this show might have. It's just awesome. Period.

What's also interesting (and a bit creepy at that...) is that the show has a plotline involving the NSA and mass surveillance, which aired a good year before Edward Snowden even hit the spotlights. Either Sorkin is part of the spying network himself, or he simply has an incredible knack for topics that might become important in world politics. 

Either way: You should definitely watch this, even if you give a flying fuck about journalism. Simply because it's entertaining as hell and great fun to watch.


(pictures taken from here)

8/28/2014

There’s no starting over, no new beginnings, time races on, and you've just gotta keep on keeping on.



...aaaand we're back!

Hello lovely blog readers! It's been a while since I last posted something on this blog. Mostly because I was on vacation and din't have access to the internet for roughly two weeks (It was like being in rehab or at fat camp...). And - to answer the FAQ of holiday questions - yes it was lovely, the sun shone, the beaches were white, I ate a lot of fried fish and drank red wine and slept for 10 hours every day.

But to be completely honest: I have felt a little lost when it comes to this blog lately. There are a lot of things going on in my life right now (sounds super serious, but it's actually mostly boring shit like work and appointments and stuff.) and I don't feel like sharing too much of that on this blog. And when I come home in the evenings, I usually just want to put on elastic sweatpants and eat pizza in front of the tv. Being creative is too exhausting right now.

This doesn't mean that I don't want to blog anymore, it simply means that I won't pressure myself into writing an entry every single day. Maybe there will be just one every week, maybe two, maybe 5 on a single day if I feel like it. We'll see what the future holds...

Anyways, I hope you'll still hang around to enjoy stupid shit from the internet. Next up will be my holiday pictures and also videos of puppies and small children doing adorable things. Hooray!

8/05/2014

I was scared of dentists and the dark, I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations,

MUSIC UPDATE! Whoohoo, so much music to show you. Man alive, after months of not finding anything new I love to listen to, here are finally, finally some new tunes to spice up your summer afternoons...




George Ezra - Budapest

Imagine my suprise, when I found out that George Ezra was not a bearded, 30-year-old hipster from Brooklyn but apparently a 12-year-old from good ol' Britannia. Either way, I love this song.





Marteria - Welt der Wunder

I was at one of his shows last weekend and am still pretty much completely fucked up (in a good way). I've rarely ever sweated so much during a concert. Seriously, it was disgusting. Awesomely disgusting! (Oh, yeah, and he's not exactly hard on the eyes either...)





Vance Joy - Riptide

Currently the best song my radio station (well, the radio station where I work as a trainee..) plays. Also: Men of this world - you can never go wrong with playing the ukulele. There isn't a woman in the world who doesn't immediately take off her pants when you start to play! Seriously!





Alabama Shakes - I found you

Play that song for me while I'm doing the dishes and you will find I easily and immediately transform into a very weird version of Janis Joplin (and that's saying something!).

8/04/2014

Silence is boring, words are gold.

Aaaah Pinterest, the black hole of time. You have 10 minutes to spare and think it would be fun? Well honey, suddenly it's 3 hours later and you're still on it. Horrible, horrible website.

One of my favourite things on Pinterest is to collect quotes (No, I don't own a doormat with "Keep calm and carry on" on it, and hopefully I never will!). Well, good quotes at least. Not too cheesy, not too obviously new-age-y and just smart enough to make you ponder on them for a while. Want a taste? Here you go.













Aaah, so much wisdom. All the pictures are taken from here, which is my Pinterest board solely for wise epitaphs and quotes. Because that's how artsy-fartsy I really am. Yeah, so go be impressed for a a while!

7/30/2014

In defense of Instagramming your food


There are a lot of things I am not exactly proud of (Little example: I stole a Kermit the frog puppet when I was in kindergarten, simply because the girl who owned it, was not letting me play with it. It probably still lies in its shallow grave behind the kindergartens garbage bins...Sorry Tanja. My bad.). Some things I am even ashamed of. But one thing that is definitely not on that list, is taking pictures of your food and then instagramming the shit out of them.

I love Instagram, even though the amount of pictures with the hipster-retro-filter-thing going on, has definitely reached a point where it's no longer fun but starts to piss everyone off. Especially since Lana del Rey decided to make every single one of her music videos look like it was made by putting Instagram filters on shots of her with her eyes half closed (yes, my Lana hatred is profound and still going strong!).



But back to the point: taking pictures of your food has become something that is universally mocked. There are tumblrs about it, there is a lot of hoo-ha about dinner table etiquette and I personally have my excuses already locked and loaded when I take out my phone and snap a picture of the awesome burger that the waitress has just put in front of me.



But to be honest, I'm honestly past the point of caring when it comes to Food-Instagram-Mockery. Why? Because you want to see pictures of my food, whether you like to admit it or not. Case and point: Jamie Oliver has almost 2 million followers on Instagram, and all that guy does, is snap pictures of his food! He does literally nothing else! And aren't cookbooks and food blogs just the same thing? I mean, you could get seriously inspired by my fantastic snapshots of carbohydrates in every possible shape and form! (Honestly, my own Instagram account could as well be called "An ode to the carbohydrate".)

So I'll be gramming all the edibles forever and always. Mostly because it's fun. But also because your envy at the massive burger I am just about to devour makes it all the more delicious to me...






More pictures of food - shortly before it passed through my gastric system, are to be found here.

7/28/2014

Let's call this the comeback



Oh my, two weeks since the last blog post. This blogging funk is getting out of control. And I don't even have a good excuse, apart from: I honestly have no idea where the last two or three weeks went. I remember sitting around in the office, I remember watching the Gilmore Girls and that's basically it. So clearly, I am really living la vida loca here...

Anyhoo, I thought that since I love lists, a nice good list would be a good comeback. I (am a bit weird, so just go with it folks!) love to play the "If you could bring one {insert item of choice here} to a lonely island, what would it be?"-game a lot. So I thought maybe that could be the fun little list, that gets us all back on the blogging track. Yes?


If you could bring one ... to a lonely island, what would it be?

book: Depending on how long I'd have to stay on the bloody piece of land, I'd say something by Dickens. Maybe Bleak House, because that one is reeeally long and you need to be enormously bored to read it. When you actually get down to it, it's a brilliant book. Only the getting to that point is a bit annoying...


record: The Beatles - Revolver. Mostly because Good Day Sunshine is on it, and if any song can cheer you up after being stranded on a deserted island, it's probably that one.




person: Is it wrong to assume that Ryan Gosling knows how to build a raft? I mean, I'm sure he'd at least come in handy when it's time to fish for food or to build camp fires or ... other stuff.



item of clothing: Hey, if Ryan's there I'm going nude all day long!


bottle of liquor: If it's an island in the Carribean, rum would be fitting. Only that I hate rum, so I'm going with a very, very large bottle of very, very dry red wine.


personal item: Well, I was taught to always bring a large towel, so that's what I'd probably pick.



(click pictures for source)